A lot of the debate around nude girls centres on the ethical and legal ramifications of teenage sexting. But there’s another important aspect of this discussion that often gets overlooked.
For a girl to send you a nude pic she needs to be in the mood for it. Building up to an ass selfie or a sultry bedroom shot takes time.
1. Build Her Confidence
It’s a familiar scene: you hear that delightful “ding” of a new text, Snapchat, or DM, whip out your phone and your eyes immediately go wide as they’re met with a naked bod. Depending on your relationship with the person who sent it, you might reply flirtatiously or scoff at the unsolicited advance. But no matter what your reaction, research has shown that looking at nudes has a profound psychological impact.
A 2016 study published in NeuroImage found that when you see erotic images, your brain’s ventral striatum lights up and releases dopamine. The pleasure-boosting chemical makes you crave more of the thing that triggers your reward system. So what does that mean for girls who’ve been hit with a bunch of nude pics they didn’t want? The key is to build confidence.
This is a long-term process that’s going to take time, but there are some easy ways to start building self-love for your body. First and foremost, it’s important to be comfortable naked. Getting to this point may take longer for some than others, but it is completely achievable. Start small—when you get dressed, spend a few moments undressing in front of the mirror to ease into accepting your nakedness.
If you don’t have access to a mirror, try viewing yourself without clothes through other sources—art, European movies, and the like can give you a sense of how gorgeous every body is, and how there’s no such thing as a “perfect” body. You can also work to become more comfortable with your body by practicing healthy habits, such as getting enough sleep and taking care of yourself.
Another thing to keep in mind: when you snap photos of yourself, be mindful of how your unique markings can identify you. If you have a scar, tattoo, or unique mole that’s easily recognizable, consider angling those features out of frame or covering them with makeup or an editing app.
And remember to keep the background in mind, too. You wouldn’t take wedding photos in front of a dumpster, and you shouldn’t take nudes there either. Aim for a clean space that’s free of any signifiers of who you are—like college university paraphernalia, piles of mail, or friends and family photos.
2. Get Her Into It
The phone buzzes with a delightful ding and you swipe over to see what the sender is up to. As your eyes land on a picture of a naked body you may smirk, squeal, or be completely turned off. Your reaction depends on the person who sent the nude pic, and how you feel about them — but what science has shown is that the image itself has an impact on your brain.
A 2016 study in NeuroImage found that when you look at a sexy photo, the ventral striatum (a part of your brain associated with reward processing) lights up, releasing dopamine and making you crave more. The more you view erotic images, the more you’ll want them and the less “normal” they will seem to you.
This is why it’s a bad idea to ask for nudes directly, and even worse to do so when you’re already in a relationship. Girls don’t want to feel like a piece of meat that boys are trying to get off on and if you ask for nudes too soon you will be seen as a creep.
Instead, wait until she’s comfortable enough to send you a nude photo. Make sure she knows you’re interested, compliment her often, and let her know you wish you were with her after seeing a fit Insta post — all of which will give her the confidence to be bold in sending you nudes.
In the end, nude photos can be powerful tools for social change if they’re used for empowerment rather than objectification. Unfortunately, social media company policies and mainstream norms continue to conflate women’s bodies with indecency and sex, and insist that they be reserved, distributed, and consumed by males according to patriarchal rules. Unless we all work together to bust this myth, nude pics will continue to be a tool for misogyny, not progress.
3. Don’t Be Afraid to Send Underwear Pics
Nude pictures are the bread and butter of sexting. The fun part is imagining how your partner might react when you send a naked picture. However, a little bit of restraint is always a good idea.
Even if you’re completely confident that your partner won’t share your photos with anyone else or end up on some weird internet chat room (both of which are real fears that people have), there’s just no guarantee what will happen to the photos once they’re sent off into cyberspace. And that’s not an exaggeration: nude pictures can have serious consequences in the real world.
For example, recently a mom and her 14-year-old daughter were advocating for better protections for female students after a boy used AI to create and distribute nude images of her daughter and other girls in their high school. And in more subtle ways, nude pictures can also be used as leverage against women or to objectify them. This is especially true when it comes to the way women’s bodies are portrayed in media.
So, if you want to send a flirty photo but don’t want to risk sending something too racy, try sending a picture of yourself in your underwear. Not only will it show that you’re not afraid to show your nipples, but it will also be a little bit more intimate than a full-on nude pic.
Of course, there’s no reason you have to limit yourself to underwear pics. There are many different creative ways to take nude photos. Just be sure to check your lighting and angle. For example, it’s never a good idea to take a nude selfie from below looking up—everyone has a double chin at that angle! And, of course, don’t forget to use a waterproof phone case.
Ultimately, a girl will only send you a nude pic if she’s really into you. There has to be a build up—she might text you side boob shots or thigh shots first, for example. Then, she might ask you to send her your nipples or genitals. If you say yes, she’ll probably keep asking for more nude pictures.
4. Don’t Surprise Her
When the phone dings and alerts you to a new message or Snapchat, your eyes dart to the screen to see what just arrived. Maybe you smirk, send a flirtatious response, or scoff at the unsolicited advance. Either way, the reaction you have to a nude photo will depend on many things: your relationship with the sender, how risqué the photo is, and whether or not you are on hormonal birth control. But, no matter what your reaction is to a naked pic, science has shown that there is a very real psychological impact to viewing it.
When a girl takes a nude picture and shares it with someone on her contact list, she is taking a huge risk. She may be assuming that she can trust the person who is receiving the photo and that no one else will access it, but this cannot always be true. In addition, you never know what might happen to a photo once it has been sent off into cyberspace. For these reasons, it is important to make sure that a nude picture is stored securely before sending it to anyone.
The female body has been subject to a long history of exploitation and societal regulation. It is not uncommon for males to conflate nudity with indecency and sex, and to demand that women’s bodies be held in reserve, distributed, and consumed according to patriarchal rules. These puritanical obsessions are the reason we have billion-dollar “good girls gone wild” industries and an Internet fueled by gonzo porn, both carefully packaged pseudo-transgressions that have little to do with women’s autonomy and do everything to reinforce patriarchal hierarchies.
Women’s bodies have also been subject to social and political activism. For example, in 1866, Gustave Courbet’s painting The Origin of the World scandalized the public and the Salons for its depiction of the female vagina. While his work rejected academic painting, it was the first time that a painting represented a realistic depiction of nude women in the public domain. In the 20th century, Impressionist painters also revisited nude bodies by removing the edges and contours of their subjects and focusing on color and brushstrokes to give the body energy and vitality.